So Much Winning
Tech Guys visit their boy in the White House
President Hi Tech (it’s all Computer) convened a roundtable with the AI movers+shakers on Wednesday. He welcomed Oracle’s rep (“uh, Mr. Moosequirk, Milkquick, Moonlight, ah, don’t know!), told the xAI rep to say hi to “a special person” (the Ketamine Kid’s minion assured Donnie she would) and told the high rollers of robotics they needed some quirk, er, quick PR help.
Trump told them that Americans were afraid that these “big buildings, $150 billion buildings, those are big, all of these are pipes, beautiful pipes, unbelievable”). Then he took a victory lap for being the first ever to come up with the idea of “fixing” the electric grid since thanks to Sleepy Joe, who stole the election of ‘20, that grid needed a’fixing.
Another fix: these AI genius guys will build+pay for their own power. More great leadership: Trump told the tech titans that EPA honcho Lee Zeldin would lead the way getting them permits if only there was anybody left working at his agency after the LeePurges!
SecEnergy Chris Wright, a reliable Trump bottom, praised his Leader in his best Michael Jackson falsetto, for bringing the robot masters to the table. Even simpering Mike Johnson took some time off his busy schedule avoiding the press to say a few unconnected words about a subject he clearly knew nothing about.
Trump’s genius foreign policy stratagems might put a wrinkle in these bringing-down the-utility-rates efforts. His Iranian war that’s not a war has driven gasoline prices up 35¢ in a week at the TrumpPump™. Oil prices have escalated to $90/barrel; a dollar increase in a barrel of oil results in a 2.5¢ price increase for a gallon of gasoline.
In the fog of middle eastern war, with drones flying helter-skelter, Qatar has completely shut down the largest liquified natural gas (LNG) facility in the world, not great for gas prices.
In addition, Iran has effectively shut down the Strait of Hormuz from which 20% of world oil+LNG is transported. As global LNG reserves tighten, the U.S., the world’s largest exporter of LNG, sells more of that commodity to Europe+Asia. Export prices are higher and more profitable than domestic prices; the obvious market logic in play is that the more LNG sold abroad, the higher the price of gas for domestic consumers. American consumers are forced, in a Hunger Games world, to bid against global consumers.
It’s not just the impact of Trump’s crackbrained Epstein Fury War; gas prices have been on the rise for awhile in the U.S. Public Citizen reported that Americans paid more for natural gas from Jan-October 2025 than in that period in 2024. Electricity prices went up 5% nationwide in 2025; in swing state Pennsylvania, where methane gas is the prevalent fuel, prices went up 9%.
The massive electricity-gobbling AI centers will only add to the rising costs of power. Utilities will need to build expanded infrastructure to provide the data centers with all that new power. The projected amount of needed power is staggering — these giant facilities will use the amount of electricity consumed by a medium-sized city. Some utilities are predicting they will need to double or triple their energy production over the next two years to feed the beasts. On top of the costs of new infrastructure will be added the costs of higher amounts of fuel that will be consumed by the centers. Also, most utility regulators have designed rate structures that favor large commercial users, meaning that residential customers (households) wind up subsidizing their tech monster neighbors.
The tech emissaries promised on bended knee that they would build+buy their own power because, sir, only you could bring tears to the eyes of these strong men+women by promising to make our robot overlords even smarter!
It’s a very Trumpy deal. The tech companies’ pledges are voluntary so that handshake deal is as wobbly as the Gimp-in-Chief’s ankles. It will not be obvious how much of the cost of any new pipeline or high voltage overhead power lines or substations a regulator will assign the data center, especially if it’s a gentlemen’s agreement with a den of techno-thieves. Utility rate-making is an art, maybe even a craft, not a science. It’s not a likely prospect that the richest companies in the world won’t use their political muscle and guile to foist as much of these costs on largely unorganized customers.
Trump has other ideas on how to get energy prices down. The Fifa Peacenik has suggested sending troops into the Middle East to protect oil+gas facilities from Iran’s attacks. But it was American boots on the ground during the Gulf War that riled up Bin Laden+his terrorist thugoons back in the day. Bonny Prince Bone Saw undoubtedly wants to avoid gaming out that scenario.
He’ll need some sharp thinking fast to accomplish that. Apparently someone (schoolmarm Susie Wile, pouty snot-nosed Karoline Leavitt or someone else?) was yelling in a mean way at sad sacks Zeldin+Wright to think outside the box to bring the prices down. Candidate Trump told the Economic Club of New York he’d bring gasoline prices down below $2 and kept telling his handpicked press corps all this past year that it had already hit that mark. Except it hadn’t. Gas hasn’t been that low since 2021. And guess what? It ain’t getting there anytime soon.